My Dogs

This morning I went to sign my Dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". So I explained to her that my Dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no clue who their daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dogs get their first checks on Friday.

Is this a great country or what?

I guess we'll start here. The above was forwarded to my partner who forwarded it to me. I see MediCal (MedicAid) and Medicare abuse on a daily basis. It would be more funny if it didn't ring so true.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "you should go by ambulance. It's free." or "well if I go in by ambulance, I won't have to wait in the waiting room for 6 hours." Usually followed by a smile, and usually in relation to some really stupid reason for calling 911. NOTHING IS FREE! We, hard working, tax paying, schlubs are paying the bill you ignorant fucks. You sit on your ass and the government hands you money for it. I work my ass off toting your fat, lazy ass to the hospital because you can't be bothered to keep track of your blood sugar and the government takes my money in taxes.

Example:

911 call for an injury accident. Upon arrival I find San Jose Fire Department placing my patient in c-spine. (More on that bullshit later.) My patient is the restrained driver of a brand new Mercedes Benz C-class that was rear ended by a late '80s Cadillac. The speed of the impact can only be described as minuscule. There is an egg crate pattern in the front grill of the Cadillac that was imprinted in the dust on the back bumper of the Mercedes, but the paint has not been scratched.

We load her into  the back of the ambulance after finding out that she is 5 months pregnant and wants to be taken to the hospital to make sure the baby is okay. she has no injury and vital signs are all normal.

The woman is 25 years old, and she is gravida 7 para 6. That means she has been pregnant 7 times and has had 6 live births. She has freshly manicured finger and toe nails. She's wearing D&G sunglasses and is carrying a Coach purse. According to my female partner, who would know more about this stuff then me, she is wearing very expensive clothes as well. Her medical insurance? Medi-Cal.

When I was growing up, my parents would have never thought to call an ambulance for anything short of broken bones or near death. I get calls because the teenager of the house is having a hissy fit, for cuts that require a band-aid, and "I've been sick with the flu for 2 weeks but decided to call 911 at 3am." Those are always the best, "I've thrown-up twice today and had diarrhea twice and I need to go to the ED by ambulance." Invariably this patient has to walk to the gurney because we can't get the gurney close to the house because of all the cars parked out front.

Do any of these people pay their ambulance bill? Of course not. It's free right? I rarely see someone who has Blue Cross, or some other big PPO health insurance plan provider calling 911 for anything, much less something non-emergent. These people invariably are either sponging off the system with Medi-Cal or they are Kaiser patients. Medi-Cal people just don't pay their bill, and probably a majority of Kaiser people don't either, but what Kaiser people don't understand is if you do not call the advice nurse before you call 911, you are going to foot the bill. Kaiser will not pay any of the ambulance bill even if it was medically warranted.

We are EMERGENCY Medical services. Diarrhea twice today is NOT a medical emergency. My knee hurts because I banged on the coffee table is NOT a medical emergency. A migraine is NOT a medical emergency. (I've had migraines for 15 years and never would have thought to call 911. We get in the car and I get driven to the ED.) A bloody nose in a 10 year old that has stopped bleeding BEFORE you called 911 is NOT a medical emergency despite what the fire department may tell you. Swollen feet when you are one week from your due date and there is no other complaint is NOT a medical emergency.

Oh, and just to make this perfectly clear, you do NOT need to go to the emergency room by ambulance to sue someone after a car accident. You can drive yourself or have someone else drive you to your own doctor or to a clinic for that matter, get your prescription for ibuprofen and note for limited exertion for work and still sue for bodily injury. On the other hand, if you are bull shitting your injury, which, let's face it, most of you are, going to the hospital is going to cost you the ambulance bill, approximately $2500 for a simple trauma, as well as a $20-30,000 trauma team bill. See, we're required to make you a trauma activation under certain circumstances regardless of your injuries. So, if you do go in by ambulance and you really have nothing wrong with you, the trauma team is going to report you were uninjured and you will now in fact NOT be able to sue for bodily injury and you will have to foot the ambulance and trauma bills yourself. Good luck getting your insurance to cover a medically unnecessary ambulance transport and trauma team activation. You lose fucker.